Image by Cybjorg via Flickr
How does a person know when they are being a good friend? Is it when you just blindly take their side even when you know they are so very wrong? Isnt it about being supportive and tough when you need to be?
I don’t want a friend to sugar coat and go along with everything I say. God knows I am wrong from time to time. Or I’m having a fly off the handle moment and just need to work it out. I wan the truth! Its one of the most important things to me. If you don’t have honesty, what do you have?
I think I’m supportive and involved. As much as I can be. I am the mother of teenagers after all, and more than half my life is not my own right now. But I check in and ask questions and have get togethers. I listen and when asked give my opinion. Sometimes I give it without being asked, cuz that’s what friends do. However, at some point I just shut my mouth cuz I have said what I’ve said, you know how I feel and where I stand, and I can’t waste my breath anymore. If it’s a toxic thing that you are allowing in your life and continue to do so, then what can I do? Wait till it falls apart and be here for you to lean on? Well, I am. But can you really not step back and take a look at whats going on? Is all that stress and drama that enters my life worth it?
I have the ability to step back and evaluate what the hell is going on in my life. I can be objective. I will apologize when Im wrong, and refer to myself as an idiot when necessary. I rely on this. I trust my gut instincts and know that I’m able to always step back and look at things in a different light. Cant everyone? I feel it’s a natural thing. I do or say something my gut alerts me to , and I reprieve myself to evaluate what just happened. To me its simple. Maybe I just think everyone should have this ability.
I’m not good at keeping things inside when it’s hurting the people I care about. Of course it goes for the positive as well!And even though I may have excused myself from the situation, it sits in the back of my mind exhausting me emotionally, physically. I want to take a person and shake the sense into them. COME ON!!! Snap out of it!! I have already pronounced by feelings on the matter. I find it increasingly difficult to pretend that the Elephant is not in the room. I don’t understand how a friend can continue to go about their day and our relationship as if that damned Elephant is no there. Am I just trying to change a person? I wouldn’t think so. I want people to be themselves. But I don’t want them to self destruct in front of me and expect me to put on my sunshine face while it all unravels.
I can’t be fake. I can’t lie. I can’t pretend that things aren’t what they are. I try real hard to smile and ignore the proverbial Elephant. But to what extent? To my own demise? To become more like acquaintances than close friends?
And the other looming question in my mind…. Do they notice? I know I’m an easy read as far as whats going on in my mind. My face shows it. I give it away. Do they just not care? Do they not see? Does it matter? Or is this what friendship is? Because quite frankly its exhausting. I’m not trying to only be a friend during good times, don’t get me wrong. I’m there, supporting all the way, good or bad. But is it not taking advantage of me when you expect me to just lie to you and myself?
I don’t know. I just had to get that out.
